If you know me well, you’d probably knew about my obsession with coffee.  I’m not really sure what really got into my mind, but as I read through the in-flight duty free catalog on my way back to the States from Korea over Christmas, I decided to purchase luwak coffee, more known as “Kopi Luwak”.  Basically, this was the most expensive coffee I’ve ever bought, which is paying $128 for just little over 120 grams of coffee.

Those who don’t know about luwak coffee, luwak coffee refers to coffee beans from coffee berries that have been eaten and excreted by Asian Palm Civet.  It may sound really unsanitary and gross, but for all the coffee fanatics out there, this is one of the best tasting coffee that is out there.

So the other day, I finally had the courage to open up the box to brew this coffee.  As I was unwrapping the box and actually opened the box to move all the coffee out of the plastic bag to the little glass jar that I had, I was keep on telling myself “don’t spill, don’t spill” because of how expensive this coffee was.  After successfully putting the coffee into the glass jar that I’ve prepared, I started to brew the coffee by putting boiled water over my mug and putting two spoonfuls of coffee.

The overall taste was very unlike what you can get at typical coffee shops.  It tasted like coffee, but not quite like coffee.  It had a very clean after taste and when I first had it in my mouth it felt bitter, just as the same as other coffee out in the market, but after I swallowed it, the bitter taste disappeared pretty quickly.  Also, I had a sense of how robust the taste was, but it was also had a very light aftertaste.  Luwak coffee was definitely up to par, passing above and beyond of my expectations, but since it’s just too expensive, I don’t think I could purchase this on regular basis.  It’s really weird how people, including myself are willing to purchase coffee at this price, but it’s definitely worth of an experience and I’ll purchase it again if I get a change in the future.

It’s already end of January, so I guess it’s too late to say happy new year, but I’ll say it anyway.  Happy New Year!!  YAY!!  Haha.  One thing I hate about getting older is I feel like as I get older and older the time seems to go faster than when I was younger.  And sometimes, I can’t get over this feeling of not really accomplishing anything meaningful while the numerical part of my age just increases by one every year.

But in the midst of all this, I’m excited to put an end to 2013 and look forward for the year of 2014, hoping and praying that I’ll be able to live more faithful life as a daughter and woman of God.

2013:  wow, I honestly don’t know where to start.  So many things happened during this past year.  First, I was able to finish my dreadful three months of training for my job in the middle of nowhere (Missouri and Iowa).  I learned a lot and met new people who are nice and well-suit for my personality, but that three months when I was away from home and everyone else, that was the first time I actually felt lonely in my entire life.  After coming back, it was just crazy and chaotic because travelling for work came along and I had to make multiple trips to different locations in United States to support launching my first vehicle that I participated ever since I started working in the automotive industry.  With that came a lot of accomplishments as well as failure, especially those times when I pushed God away from my life because of my extensive work schedule.  Towards the end of the year, things have gotten better because everything started slowing down and I took three weeks off for personal vacation to Korea and back home in Nevada.

2014:  the main thing that I’m looking forward to this year is to look for other career paths and opportunities.  Working for a big corporation and climbing up the corporate ladder may sound cool and glamorous, but I want to look for other opportunities because this career that I currently have is definitely making me be away from God by taking my time and resources.  I know for a fact that switching jobs might not make my day better at work, but at least I want to move on to something else that is closer and more accessible to where I live, so I can devote more of my time and energy in God and in serving the community.  Another big thing that I’m looking forward to this year is start preparing myself into going to graduate school.  I haven’t decided where to apply or which discipline to go into, but I’m looking forward to praying and seeking God regarding my future plans to see where I’ll be in the near future.

Technically, my two-year commitment to stay in Ann Arbor post graduation ends in the summer of this year, 2014, and honestly, I can’t help but to think how I’m so excited to get out of this city of Ann Arbor and start my life fresh somewhere else.  But the main difference between the person who made this commitment two years ago vs. the person whose commitment is approaching the end is if God tells me to stay behind in Ann Arbor for more time, the person who made the commitment two years ago would say “Absolutely not”, while the person whose commitment is approaching the end will say “I honestly don’t like that God, but I’ll start following your vision by starting to pray and consider the option of staying behind”.

I’m definitely a planner.  I absolutely love just laying out my life and have my life be the same as how I planned.  You can ask the question of did your life ever go according to you plan, but unfortunately, the answer is no and that just annoys me.  To be exact whenever my life turns in the direction of the unexpected, I feel like everything that I have planned for is burning in flames.

But these days I think something different.  Did I ever had a plan for my life?  I had and still currently have this dream of being a successful career woman with many resources, but did I ever had a specific plan as far as how I’m going to get there?  Did I just pretend to have a legitimate plan and kicked and scream whenever my life seemed to be not going as I planned?

After celebrating my 24th birthday recently, I took a good day or two, just reflecting where my 20’s is going and when I did that, I realized how everything didn’t go according to the plan.  I was never able to leave Michigan post graduation, never ended up going to grad school after taking one year of gap year.  20’s are about building an identity for yourself and actually build a plan that has a firm foundation, not just the end goals, but goals with details about how the goals will be achieved.  These goals will be built on failures, mistakes, strengths, and experience, and I would be clueless until many more years later when I reflect on my 20’s to figure out rather my goals that I planned now were adequate and was I successful with it.

Sometimes, I wish what my life would’ve been like if I was born as an animal, rather than a human being.  Imagine having a thoughtless life (I’m not saying animals don’t have feelings and emotions.  I’m pretty sure they think too, but compare to humans…).  There is no need to worry about how to figure things out at work to make sure it works.  There is no need to study for an exam to make sure that you don’t fail.

I don’t know why I feel like this sometimes because I love being a human, who can express feelings freely whenever and however I want, but sometimes I think those gifts can act like a curse.  Remember the childhood days that you didn’t have to worry about anything?  Imagination about being an animal is as same as that.  As I grow older and have a bitter taste of life again and again, I’m scared and clueless of how to live my life.  Life is difficult now…imagine how it will be like after about 10 years and I have my own family to take care of.  Animals in fact have similarities to human beings, but for now, I just want to be an animal and run away freely…

Headache…

Desperation…

Incompetency…

Brick wall…

Lost…

Purpose in life…

Wanting direction…

Need to obey…

God, here I am, please take me…

For many people, spring is life, sunshine, and a new beginning after a lifeless and cold winter.  Though for me, spring always seems like an end.  I may be feeling like this because I’m too emotional these days for whatever reason or may be I’m experiencing too much spring fever…or may be since I’m just too used to having a life style of undergrad, especially the church that I go to mainly revolve around undergrad schedule since that’s the majority.

Living in campus town (Ann Arbor) definitely has many perks.  Things are open late, you can walk/run around campus, can get many things for free, especially on your birthday, and there are people everywhere.  The down side to this is that people leave usually around this time (late April to early May).

Honestly, last year around this time, I think the feeling of everything coming to an “end” didn’t hit me as much as this year because I was preoccupied with what I want to do with my life, along with wrestling with God trying to seek His vision in my life.  This year is little different because I’m living more of a settled-down lifestyle compare to the year before.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m stuck in this limbo of how to define my life (torn apart from having undergrad mentality vs. actually being a full-time working single-adult).  And sometimes, I feel like my clock has stopped ticking, while other people’s clocks are still ticking.  Honestly, Ann Arbor was the very last place that I wanted to be after graduation.  I wouldn’t have stayed if God didn’t tell me to stay.

Wow, I’m getting teary and I’m still at work at this moment haha.  May be I feel like this because there are lot of things coming to an end at work too.  With my recent promotion (I honestly still don’t know how I ended up getting promoted, other than saying it was “God’s work”), I actually transitioned out from one of the busiest vehicle program that we currently have and moved on to some other program, which is still in early development.  I actually have a lot of free time now.  I have time to enjoy 30-minute tea time with my coworkers and even have time to write this post at work.  I’m really thankful, but at the same time, I’m confused and little depressed because I don’t know what to do with the amount of time that I have.  I know that things will get busy sometimes, but I’ve never had this much of free time ever since I started working full-time.

No matter if it’s a happy ending or a sad ending, there is something about “ending” that makes me emotional.  Emotional to the point that I blind myself from seeing all the new beginnings that entail with the endings.  Most importantly, I don’t want my feelings, these distracting feelings that I have, preventing me from getting closer to God because I want God to be my tomorrow, my future, and my new beginning for this season in time.  So please partner up with me in prayer for me to get excited about this new season and what God has in store for me.

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did you leave us on our own

You are faithful, God you’re faithful

#Team242 #community #foreverandever ♥

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.  God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13

Recently, I’ve been going through some difficult times at work.  Getting straight to the point, I feel like I’m seriously turning into a man-hater.  People at work are very nice and I get along with them pretty well, but these days, I feel really uncomfortable being surrounded by them at work because the conversation that they have with one another makes me really fragile and agitated.

I think I’m having a difficult time dealing with this because I’ve never ran into these kind of problems in the past.  Now I think about it, God has been revealing problems after problems that I don’t know how to handle because I’ve never ran into those in my life before.  What is he trying to tell me in the mist of situations like this?

As may people already know, I have difficult time of letting things go because I just love to take advantage and take control in many different situations.  I feel like recently God has been really speaking to me surrendering even more things to him and just stand still, be calm, and really trust in him.  It’s quite difficult trying to figure out what I should do in situations that I’ve never encountered before, but I pray that with all this God will really guide me and even show me some tangible affirmation.

Time is definitely flying.  In the beginning when I first arrived here, I was just so overwhelmed with loneliness and busyness as usual, but I’m just really thankful for all the people that I was able to meet during my stay here in Iowa.

The manufacturing plant here is definitely different than the one that I was in for two months in Missouri because things are going faster, production volume is heavier, and in fact, people are working longer hours (normally from 6 a.m. to 4 p.m.), along with some people working full days on Saturday.  For the first week that I was here, I wasn’t guilty at all about coming to work at 7:30 in the morning and leaving at 4 in the afternoon, but as the time went by, I became just like the people working here by coming to work at the same time as them and leaving from work at the same time as them.

People here are definitely different.  The atmosphere of the city is different.  I can’t really proclaim which one that I like better than the other, but both places have good and bad.  I really liked New Haven, MO because of the relaxed environment overall.  I hated New Haven because of one of the first questions that they ask you all the time when they meet you, which is “are you married?”  I really like Keokuk, IA because of the professional environment at work.  I hate Keokuk because of the fact that it’s in the middle of nowhere (nearest Macy’s is more than two hours away in Peoria, IL).

I have seven working days left and I’ll be finally done with this manufacturing rotation.  Honestly, I’m very excited to get out of here and go back to my regular life, but I know that I’ll be missing all the people that I’ve met during my journey to these different places.  Bittersweet…but more leaning towards sweet at least for now…